What to actually get your mom for mother's day
And a parenting tactic that actually worked
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Hi, I’m Meg and this is my little corner of the internet where I share tales and observations across the tech and parenting “industries.”
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If bros contributed $10.9T to the world economy, it’d be “Father’s Day” every day of the year
I find Mother’s Day completely overblown and deeply misused by American society. I’m sure many of you may agree with the idea that it’s an under-reaction to take one day to celebrate and highlight the contributions of people who contribute $10.9 TRILLION to the global economy with their unpaid work in the form of child rearing, household running, elder care, and all the invisible, emotional labor for their families.
One day for this type of contribution? Every tech bro dad I know who posts about being a dad is immediately lauded, but if a female peer of mine does, she pays the mommy tax.
But of course, the same could be said for Veteran’s Day, Memorial Day, Black History Month, and many other celebrations that corporations use to sell us more things. Just one day or even one month to recognize the contributions of a critical part of America’s history and culture? Clearly I have an issue with holidays that attempt to encapsulate a portion of society’s worth via largely performative acts like Netflix curating an APPI Heritage Month collection (which looks fantastic, by the way) or Hallmark hitting their Q1 projections early with Valentine’s Day card sales.
Yet I’m not about to suggest that you shouldn’t celebrate Mother’s Day. “Boycotting” Mother’s Day doesn’t solve anything, so instead I have some suggestions for how to make your mom / motherly figure actually feel special.
Don’t “text it in” tomorrow
Remember when people used to “phone it in” when they barely made an effort? Now we can “text it in” with one click of a flower bouquet GIF. Friends, please do not garbage text your mom on Mother’s Day unless she is on a much-deserved silent retreat. Here are unique ways to show your appreciation:
💐If you’re sending flowers, ask to FaceTime her when they arrive so you can admire them together.
📟 If you’re sending a card, think like a topnotch outbound marketer. Avoid cliches like “thank you for being such a great mom” and instead, personalize your words. Tell her why she matters to you, using specific examples.
📹 You can still get personal while remote. Similar to above, record a video detailing why she matters to you. If she’s a grandmother, ask your kids to list out reasons why Nana is the best.
💾 Give your time by asking her if there’s a project or problem she’s been working on that she needs help with. If this involves taking her to the Apple Store, do this without complaint. And buy her lunch after.
🧸If you’re now a parent, tell her she was right and that parenting is hard. One of the best gifts you can give anyone, but especially a mom, is the satisfaction of being right (in a good way).
If you still think she needs a “real gift”:
Donate to Moms Demand Action, a grassroots movement of Americans fighting for public safety measures that can protect people from gun violence
Push for parity in the gender wage gap
Today I learned, parenting version
Trying something new with this section! I often joke that as a parent, you’re a growth marketer — you A/B test everything and have to keep up with what new experiments are working. Most of them don’t work, but your kids grow anyway.
I am finally reading How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk, and I wanted to share how a tactic mentioned in the book worked with my 5.5 year old son. Disclaimer: this worked last night, but I give it a 50% chance of working again tonight 😛
The authors suggest that when your young child is getting upset, ask them to draw their feelings. I thought this sounded ingenious, so I kept the reusable rainbow drawing tablet close by last night as we were wrapping up nightly bedtime stories. I’ve been reading the Heroes in Training series to him, and many chapters end with cliff hangers. Great for a narrative arc, but… I can’t keep reading “one more chapter” late into the night. He’s been protesting more vociferously when we have to stop and transition to bedtime.
Last night started out the same way, with my son getting angry when I told him that was the last chapter. He cranked: “I don’t like you.” I told him “When you say that, it hurts my feelings. Can you draw me your feelings?”
He immediately took the drawing tablet from me and went to work creating this gem:
I said, “Wow, you’re really mad at me.” He nodded, but there was a trace of a grin. He then erased the board and showed me his next piece of art:
I said, “Wow, you’re so mad you filled up the entire board.” He didn’t even try to disguise his grin this time. After a few more drawings, I suggested we show them to Daddy, who was in his bedroom waiting to say good night. He complained slightly, but his heart wasn’t in it and my blood pressure had remained stable.
Recognizing his feelings while also not trying to solve the “problem” of his feelings made him feel I was truly listening to and considering them. It. felt. like. magic!
I almost called this tactic a “parenting hack” but perhaps applying startup terminology to the relationship I have with my son is, well, gross? (Also, why does everything we do these days have to be a hack?) The authors make a great point related to this: “Children aren’t problems to be solved.” It’s in my nature to problem solve, but I don’t need to “hack” my kid; instead, I needed to “hack” my attitude.
Programming note
I’m also at work on writing part 2 of my “Fractional GTM framework” where I’ll share my approach to positioning and productizing yourself. Please share requests or suggestions on where you want me to focus in the comments! —> Now live!
And lastly, happy Mother’s Day to my mom Susan, who coined this phrase about our family: “we put the fun in dysfunctional.”
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☎️ Tell me!
What’s the best mother’s gift you’ve ever given or received?
RE: Position and productize -- can you please discuss the role of proof points in describing your value add? How often are they requested (or references checked), how to navigate areas of your career subject to NDA, etc.
Brilliant. And your mom’s closing “slogan” is hilarious and spot on. Happy Mother’s Day, well deserved.