Mommy, do you have a career?
How an innocent question almost devolved into a midlife crisis moment
It was career week at my son’s elementary school this week. I thought about going, but decided that even my product marketing skills might hit their limit in translating “fractional go-to-marketer for tech bros” for a first grade audience. There’s also the fact that I don’t like that I sell things for a living. This last part is a bit silly, considering almost everyone’s career involves some sort of sales. Yet that’s where I am right now while living through the hellscape of The United Bros of America.
My son, husband and I were snuggling one morning midweek, chatting about school. My curious, delicious 6.5 year old told us that at career day in his class, his friend’s mom talked about how she makes movies.
Then he turned to me and asked in his earnest, innocent way:
Mommy, do you have a career?Ooof.
My immediate response bordered on anger and hurt feelings. This is what went through my mind in 5 seconds:
Of course I have a career! I used to dress in business attire, commute to an office, travel for meetings, and present to hundreds of people at conferences. But everything changed when I had you! Also, does anyone in Los Angeles have a regular high-status job like doctor or lawyer anymore? And another thing - career week is an outdated construct reflecting our patriarchal society that doesn’t include any career that isn’t traditional. Do moms who work inside the home feel like they can come to career week?! What about women who left big tech logos behind so they can define their own value and take control of their time to spend it with you, my tasty rascal!
My husband gave me a bemused look (he can sometimes read my mind), so I took a deep breath and realized my little buddy probably didn’t even know what a “career” was.
I responded: “A career is what you do in your life. It can mean the types of job you have, the type of life you have, how you spend your time, what you care about. I have a career, but I don’t have a job now where I go into an office building, or a hospital like our friend Sara who is a nurse, or a school like Daddy.”
“Do you work for that company called [the company I am currently consulting with]?” was the follow up and I explained that yes, right now that was the company I was working with but I work with a lot of different companies.
Then we had to get up to start our day. My son quickly forgot the conversation, but I didn’t.
The first step for me to process something like this is to text my close (female) friends and family. Here are some of the best responses:
I shared with them how I couldn’t decide whether to laugh or cry or be angry about it, so one friend sent me this Daniel Tiger song. We discussed how little kids don’t know what the word “career” even means, and that the jobs they are aware of are limited to the Richard Scarry universe of firefighter, teacher, police officer, doctor, construction worker, and Huckle Cat:
A heartfelt thank you to these ladies, since the text exchanges prevented me from going down a midlife crisis rabbit hole of feeling not good enough for career week.
I also discussed it with my husband who always has the snappiest comebacks. He said that if an adult asked me that, I could say, “I don’t have to have a career. But other people do.” FLEX. I could never.
The next step was to put this out as a substack note. This would serve as a forcing function to actually write the substack post you’re reading now.
I took a few days to cool off, work on my “career,” and make cute things on Canva. Wrote down even snarkier stuff and further texted with one of my accountability partners (she doesn’t know she is, but I just promoted her because of this exchange):
I often write about the isolating, sad effects of workism (particularly how many people conflate their job or career with their identity), and then I reacted to my son’s question in such a basic b*tch workist way! This was a teachable moment - for me.
Because my career being a mystery to him is actually a good thing as this means:
He doesn’t hear about my work all the time - hopefully this models how you can work a job, but the job isn’t your identity or even… your career ;)
He doesn’t see me working all the time - when he comes through that door, I make a point to close the laptop and put my phone away immediately so we can connect about our day
He can’t articulate if my job is “high status” - many kids in our milieu can parse through labels like Tesla, Google, Disney and attach value to those things, but my kid barely knows the name of the companies I work with (and has no idea what they do)
and… it’s an opportunity to educate my son on what I actually do! I plan on sitting down at my computer with him and walking him through typical work I do as a PMM (and showing him all the cute things I make on Canva for this Stack)
Who knows if I’ll ever attend a career week, but this question reinforced to me that it’s possible to have a career without really having a job. FLEX?
Pro-tip: I’ve stopped asking people “What do you do?” or “What kind of work do you do?” when in conversation / small talking / networking. Instead I say What keeps you busy?
The answers I receive from this question are more expansive, thoughtful, and fun.
Ways you can support Strategic Pivotery
🙊 Book a strategy (or vent) session
Want to discuss how to launch or expand your consultancy? Need help getting unstuck and back on the right track? Pay to pic my brain / book a strategy session with me. Share an agenda, and we problem-solve for the most helpful and actionable next steps per minute.
☕️ Buy me a chai latte
Not ready for a virtual coffee chat but still want to support me? Strategic Pivotery is free (and I’d like to keep it that way, at least for now!). If you find it helpful, it made you smile, or I got a belly laugh — buy me a coffee (well, chai latte - I don’t drink coffee). I prefer monetary validation to another mediocre white dude telling me “you’re actually really good at this.” Thanks, bro!
I love the ❤️ too - like, comment, share, restack this post so it gets discovered by the dark internet.
☎️ Tell me!
Anyone else struggling with what “career” even means these days?!
Omg, this "What keeps you busy?" line is GENIUS! 🙌 It's like the ultimate mic drop on boring small talk and those cringe "so what do you do?" convos that make everyone feel super judged.
Here's why this is such a boss move:
It totally smashes the whole "define yourself by your job" BS.
Gives people space to talk about WHATEVER lights them up.
Perfect for all the badass women doing a million things that don't fit into a neat job title.
Lets introverts, freelancers, and people with wild career paths shine without feeling weird.
Basically, it's a conversational uno reverse card that says "I actually care about YOUR LIFE, not just your LinkedIn profile." You, my friend, are low-key revolutionizing how we connect with each other. This question is basically like saying, "Tell me about your WHOLE self, not just the part society thinks is valuable." Another absolute queen move! 👑